Metamorphosis, crystallisation, rebirth, horizon, discovery, phoenix, lustrum, revolution; I would need to use all these words with mastery to describe what I felt.– Paulo Emílio Sales Gomes, from Her Times Two: “First Carnet”
It had occurred to me several times this year, that maybe I was on the wrong path. Maybe I spend all this time thinking about the future, never taking advantage of what I have now. This moment, here, now. The present won’t last forever, and neither will we, so how will I make the most of it? How will I leave a lasting impression in all that I do?
I found solace in knowing that each moment, along will the rest, will pass. It’s so easy to complain about the things which don’t go our way or are out of our control. There will be aspects of life you have no control over, no power in changing even if you tried your utmost best to. Accepting this truth is integral to your emotional stability, as well as the future. If you spend each day worrying about the next, when will you ever be at peace? When will you let your mind, body and soul rest?
It takes a toll on you, thinking. The line between thinking and overthinking is not as defined as we would like to be. Some days pass at ease, the others are spent writhing in it’s grasp. Unable to see or feel what we should be thankful for, unable to be, just as we are. Gratitude gave me the peace I always longed for, a breath I had waited years to exhale. Presence was an unexpected gift, it’s not the solution we seek or want. Yet it is the state we need to be in, to immerse ourselves into life as it truly is and enjoy each step forward as if it was our last.
The first step will always be daunting; the mind fills itself with fear, leaving no space for anticipation of what is to come. For every step taken next, this thought process repeats itself as you grow comfortable in the space you are currently in. You have to break the cycle and challenge yourself once more, to move forward in spite of where you have settled. To be uncomfortable is to be at peace, with yourself and your future. If you are willing to be grateful, for an unmarked guide and an endless sky. Then all the joy you craved to have, will be yours to find.
To let go of comfort is a feat within itself, but one which is worthwhile. I spent years trying to find my misplaced wings, only to realise they were always there. Hidden behind another’s words, underneath an outdated map. Sometimes there are no instructions, on how to navigate life. Wondering where to go next, left stranded like a lone star in the vastness of the sky. But one which I now find to be true, is to live – whilst being unapologetically, wholeheartedly and authentically you.
Are you willing to sacrifice comfort for joy? Where did you last lose your wings? Once found, where would you now go?