Eternal Unknowing

The great decisions in human life usually have far more to do with the instincts and other mysterious unconscious factors than conscious will and well-meaning reasonableness. The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no universal recipe for living. Each of us carries his own life form within him – an irrational form which no other can out bid.

– Carl Jung, The Practice of Psychotherapy
Nestled in between the leaves, wrapped around the fence overlooking the stream below; a snail is found resting for a moment or so. It could have easily been ignored, or mistaken as something else. Yet, in its stillness it continues to hold its own. Occupying and creating space, where they may never have been before.

The decisions I have made have led me to the place I now find myself in. The decisions we make influence the path we end up taking. What drives you to make the decisions that you do? Why do you choose one thing over another? The most conscious decisions may not lead you to the best outcome, or give you the most reassurance. However, knowing that it was in your control – can be a blessing within itself.

As the seasons change I change too, becoming more reclusive and slow in pace. Reflecting on summer’s unfolding, I realise that the person I was yesterday is not the person I am today. I wish to fall as gracefully as autumn leaves, only to be rebirthed anew from the tree whence it came. Let me rest under the sun once more, until my colour fades.

I may not know where I am going or what I am doing. I may not know why words pour out of me the way that they do and why I think like I do. I may never know the true, untainted reason behind my actions or decisions. I may never discover what propels me to feel. And how to feel. But I do, intensely. All I know is that I must trust myself, for internal guidance is the only guidance worth seeking. If it is worth seeking at all.

From an outsider’s perspective, the decisions you have made and will continue to make may seem to be nonsensical. But, if you know that it is right for you in the moment – then who is at liberty to judge? In retrospect, you have the ability to criticise previous actions. The thoughts which orbited your mind then and the internal changes you were experiencing were only felt by you. Who else can truly understand and judge aside from yourself?

The ideas we have, the places we are in and the person we have become are directly related to the life we now lead. There is no good or bad choice, as each choice is unique to the one who decides. Even though there is a consequence to each action taken, these do not define us. Though they continue to mold us as we become, we cannot be limited to past occurrences. Each choice a meander, unexpected or not, guiding us into the terrain we were once afraid of crossing.

Do you find yourself thinking about choices you once made? Are you willing to accept them for what they were, and yourself for who you now are?

2 thoughts on “Eternal Unknowing”

  1. ive found myself at cross rounds at multiple times in my life and i’ve wished i could view the outcome for each possible decision but, for better or for worse, real life doesn’t work life that. however, i can say i accept all the choices i’ve made and where i am now. all that i regret simply serves as a reminder of what’s not right for me and paths to avoid.

    you’ve raised an interesting point that knowing a decision is in your control is a blessing and ‘internal guidance’ should be sought after.

    in love with the way you navigate these ideas and so beautifully put them into words. don’t stop writing 🧡

    Liked by 1 person

  2. you…this…
    somehow you make everything make sense, even the not knowing. this part in particular spoke to me:
    “ I may not know where I am going or what I am doing. […] All I know is that I must trust myself, for internal guidance is the only guidance worth seeking.”

    sometimes our decisions are unpopular, both with others and with ourselves. sometimes we do things that don’t make sense to anyone; things that may only make sense further down the line.

    when I was younger, I would overthink the decisions I had made to the point of not wanting to decide for myself ever again. I would hold onto the guidance of my parents and friends and anyone who wasn’t me. as I grew and aged, I learned to follow that ‘internal guidance’. like you said; “ if you know that it is right for you in the moment – then who is at liberty to judge?”

    another beautifully written piece. I can’t wait for the next ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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