Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction. Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing; And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
Who do you think you are? What makes you ‘you’? How long have you put others comfort before your own?
I have spent my entire life lying to everyone including myself. In the fear of being rejected, I remained silent. In doing so, I overlooked my innate perspective of life itself and repressed the emotions which consumed me. As social animals, we seek security in the form of acceptance. The idea of being an outcast, through exhibiting different characteristics from the tribe you were born into, is frightening. Each member of the group conforms to a pre-existing standard which provides a false sense of stability. Stability and security are alluring, even addictive.
In an attempt to ignore the voice from our true self, we devour all sorts of distractions. Anything we enjoy can become an addiction, what begins as a celebration for joy, can evolve into a destructive crutch. Emotions cannot be categorised between good and bad, they are merely signals for us to understand how we relate to the experiences they stem from. However, at the sign of any emotion beyond happiness, we instantly avoid it. Emotions cannot be resisted, only repressed. The greater the period of repression, the stronger the force at which it reappears. Like us, emotions want to be heard. To be seen, heard and felt for who they are.
Death and change are constants in life. There is no running away from either of them. People cannot change unless they are willing to themselves. It is not your responsibility to carry their emotions, traumas or happiness. Everyone is responsible for meeting their own needs, and you cannot hold space for another unless your own are met first. Outside situations cannot be controlled, at least not completely, the only constant you have is your response. How we respond to whatever unfolds in the present moment, is up to us. The meaning we attach to the given experience and the outcome is also determined through our own filter.
The question is, how that filter has been formed. Many people spend the majority of their lives living up to others’ interpretations, only to find themselves at their final breath, wishing they had the courage to stand in their wholeness. In letting go of a child’s egocentric lens, I embraced the truth. The life of being a chameleon, adopting multiple personas to appease others, fell apart. And so did I. Every breakdown, became the most powerful breakthrough.
Realising that you are the sole causal agent in your own life requires authenticity, and a sense of unnerving accountability for every decision you make. You have one life to live, and each choice has cosmic consequences. Why waste each one in attempt of pleasing another, who is there to please? Each of us were birthed into the world alone, and we will die the same way. No one is going to walk your path for you, and no one will contribute to society in the same manner as you. Trust your intuition, embrace your characteristics and move forward.
How did your inner child feel as you grew up? How did they want to be seen and heard? Will you become your own parent, and live life on their behalf?